The first day of school is one of those milestones that once felt impossibly far away. Then suddenly you are labelling socks, checking the start time for the fourth time and wondering how the child who was only born about twelve minutes ago can possibly be starting Reception.

The early days can feel emotional for children and parents. They can also be very practical. There are bags to remember, mornings to get through and a brand new goodbye to navigate, often before anyone has finished their coffee.

A little preparation can reduce some of the pressure. It will not guarantee a serene morning with polished shoes and smiling siblings, because families remain families, but it can give everyone fewer things to think about.

Ease back into the morning routine

If bedtimes and mornings have drifted during the holidays, start nudging them back gradually in the week or two before school. You might practise getting up, eating and getting dressed by roughly the time you will need to leave.

This is useful for adults too. The first attempt may reveal that nobody knows where the hairbrush is, the water bottle leaks and the journey takes ten minutes longer when a child stops to inspect every interesting leaf.

Make the night before do some of the work

• Put out the uniform, including socks and shoes.
• Pack the bag and add anything the school has requested.
• Fill the water bottle and prepare lunch or a snack if needed.
• Check who is doing drop off and collection, and make sure your child knows the plan.
• Choose a familiar breakfast they are likely to eat. The first morning is not the moment to launch a new chia seed creation unless that is already their thing.

Take the photo before the first morning

If you want the classic first day photo, take it the day or weekend before. They can try on the full uniform, you can check everything fits and nobody is trying to pose while also watching the clock.

You can still take a quick photo on the actual morning if it feels right, but the important memory is the day itself, not whether the white polo shirt was documented before it met mud, paint or tomato sauce.

Keep goodbye warm, clear and predictable

A short, clear goodbye usually helps more than a long one. Tell your child you are leaving, remind them who will collect them and use the goodbye routine you have practised. Avoid slipping away unnoticed, because it can make them more watchful next time.

You could say: ‘It is time for me to go now. Mrs Patel will help you. Dad will collect you after school. I love you and I will see you later.’ Then have the cuddle, say goodbye and let the staff take over.

There may be tears. There may be no tears at all. Your child may cry on day five after sailing through the first four. None of those things tells you, on its own, how the whole transition is going.

You may feel emotional too. If they see that you have a tear in your eye, you have not failed. Try to keep your words calm and confident, and make sure they do not feel they need to stay with you or make you feel better. If you need a proper cry afterwards, the walk back from the gate has hosted plenty before yours.

Do not promise a perfect day

Phrases such as ‘You are going to have the best day’ can add pressure when a child is unsure. Try something steadier: ‘This is new, your teacher will help you and I will come back.’ It leaves room for the day to contain fun, confusion, tiredness and everything in between.

Expect very tired children afterwards

Reception is exhausting. Children are learning new rules, remembering where things go, managing friendships and holding themselves together in a busy environment. Some will come out chatting. Some will say they did ‘nothing’. Some will fall apart because their banana broke in the wrong place.

Try to keep the first few weeks gentle where you can. Have a snack and drink ready, reduce unnecessary plans and allow some quiet time after school. An earlier bedtime may help, although the child in question may strongly disagree.

If they do not want to answer lots of questions, leave space. ‘What did you do today?’ can feel enormous. You might share one thing from your own day, ask what made them laugh or wait until something spills out while they are playing, eating or getting ready for bed.

A practical first week checklist

• Name the belongings the school asks your child to bring.
• Send spare clothes if requested and tell your child where they are.
• Make sure the school has current medical information, emergency contacts and any important support information.
• Check the collection arrangements each day, especially if somebody different is picking up.
• Read school messages and put dates straight into your calendar before they vanish into the part of your brain where non uniform days go to hide.
• Keep an easy snack and drink ready for collection.
• Build in more rest than you think they will need.

If drop off continues to feel difficult

Some children need more time and a more detailed plan. Speak to the teacher rather than trying to solve it alone at the gate. Ask what happens after you leave, what seems to help and whether the same member of staff can meet your child for a while.

If your child is becoming increasingly distressed, is not settling once inside or you are worried about their wellbeing, keep talking to the school. Reassurance and patience matter, but difficulties deserve attention too.

And finally, for you

You may feel proud, relieved, sad, excited or a slightly confusing mixture of all four. You may spend the first morning looking at the clock and wondering whether 9.17am is too early to start waiting for pick up.

Starting school is a big change for the whole family. You do not have to handle it perfectly. Prepare the practical things you can, keep the goodbye clear and give everyone a little more gentleness while the new routine settles around you.

Rachel x

More in this series: Part 1: Starting Reception: The Practical Skills Worth Practising Before School | Part 2: Starting Reception: Helping Your Child Feel Emotionally Ready

Further information: Department for Education guidance | Starting Reception guidance for families